In the Velvety Night

 When I open my eyes to the beauty of the night, I am not so afraid of the dark. There is something holy in the velvety blackness. Nights can be lonely, scary, sleepless, despairing, feeding insecurities. But nights can also be reminder-bearers of the need for sabbath rest each day and opportunity-givers to rest mind, body, and soul in the arms of a Love so strong, for Whom even the darkness isn't dark (Psalm 139:12).

"The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it." (John 1:5, NLT) So in the night, my hope lives on...

Soundtrack for this post: "In the Night" by Andrew Peterson 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ynV2Fm9Qpc

Trust-steps

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; 
pour out your heart before Him; 
God is a refuge for us." 

-Psalm 62:8

During one of my home church's Christmas Eve services, at the children's time, our children's minister was coaching the kids circled around her at the front of the sanctuary to recount the details of the beloved story of Jesus Christ's birth. When they got to the part where angels appear to the shepherds, the children's minister asked the kids, "And what did the angel say to the shepherds? Does anyone remember?" Without hesitating, one kid (probably around 5 years old) spoke up, shouting at the top of her lungs in an energetic voice: "DON'T BE AFRAID!!!" Everyone in the congregation, including me, laughed at the girl's enthusiastic response. But the impact of those strong words has stayed with me. 

I was given a copy of the devotion, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, which is tied in my mind with My Utmost for His Highest (by Oswald Chambers) for the best devotional I've come across thus far. Anyway, in the December 29 entry of Jesus Calling, it talks about the need to be consistent in trusting God, and even uses the phrase "tiny trust-steps" to communicate the importance of small acts of trust in God during the course of daily life. God has kept bringing that phrase, "trust-steps," to mind. Growing up in the Church, I've heard lots of emphases on trusting God for the "big steps," like choosing friends, a college and a major, a spouse, a job, a move, etc. But on the importance of tiny trust-steps, those day to day decisions to trust God in the "small stuff" I've heard very little. But it seems to me that the "small stuff" is what quickly piles up, unnoticed until it becomes a wall that blocks my gaze on the Lord, on others, on the world. Before I know it, I'm assuming self-sufficiency instead of resting in the sufficiency of God's grace; I'm living for myself instead of dying to self and rising with Christ; I'm working hard to earn identity instead of abiding in the deep knowledge of my identity as God's beloved. 

So, for the perfectionist in me who battles with anxiety over the daily struggles of trying to do everything right and always coming way short of that, God's message of trust-steps is exactly what I need to hear. But even more importantly, it's exactly what I need to remember. Taking daily trust-steps means: knowing God, believing in God, believing God, and choosing to live out that belief by moving daily in trust-steps. "Trust in Him at all times, O people," says the Psalmist. At all times... 

Easier said than done, says sarcastic-me. "DON'T BE AFRAID," the little girl from Christmas Eve shouts in my heart.

"Don't be afraid," whispers God. "Trust in Me. Take a trust-step, Beloved. And another. And then another..." 

Soundtrack for this post: "Yours" (Steven Curtis Chapman) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNMClVv88oc

Come, be my Light

"Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, 

God's Sunrise will break in upon us, 

Shining on those in the darkness, 

those sitting in the shadow of death, 

Then showing us the way, 

one foot at a time, 

down the path of peace." 

-Luke 1:78-79 (the Message) 

Holy God, as I submit the very first entry on this blog, I am scared--scared because I don't know what the heck I'm doing. But I do know why I am doing this. Because I need a place to release the rhythms of life that beat incessantly in my head and heart, begging to be transcribed. Because I need a place to remember Your unchanging nature. Because I need a place to write about the ways You love me and everyone in the world, and how that Love is where we find our identity, our purpose, our calling, our breaths. As I write, I want to rest in Your everlasting arms, allowing the dissonances and the harmonies of choosing in each breath to live for You to blend together in a way that witnesses to Your steadfast Love, and gives You the glory for it all.  Amen.

God's timing never ceases to amaze me. I would have never thought to start blogging two days before Christmas. January 1 would be appropriate. August 5, my birthday, would be nice. The first day of a school semester would be natural. Or the last. But why today? Honestly? I have no idea. Enter dissonance #1: God's thoughts are not my thoughts, and neither are God's ways my ways (see Isaiah 55:8-9 for a refresher!). 

But, you see, the timing of this blog post is not its only unusual characteristic, at least in my mind. There is also the matter of the picture I have selected for this post. You see, I love photography and try, wherever possible, to work sunlight into every single one of my pictures. But the picture I chose for this post was one I took late last night, mesmerized by the way the lamppost's light outside my bedroom window was illuminating the window sill in the shape of a cross and reflecting in each raindrop, whose sound against the window pane was refreshing my soul.

The Scripture passage that came to me for this blog is one of my favorites. Thinking of Jesus as the Sunrise from on high fills me with wondrous hope, joyous expectation, and a strong desire to climb an East Tennessee hill (where I'm from) and bask in His beautiful love and grace. But in reading those same verses today, the fact that they speak to those "in the darkness" stuck out to me even more so. Sometimes the darkness seems to want to suffocate rather than comfort, whether lying in bed and sleep won't come or in experiencing a "dark night of the soul," a spiritually trying time when God seems so far, as St. John of the Cross, Mother Teresa, and others have spoken of experiencing during their faith journeys. But these verses remind me that Jesus shines His Light of Life and Love on us, even in the midst of that darkness. And His Light leads us, step by step (not a giant leap forward or backward, but step by step) to His peace. (More on peace later!). I love that Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us, whether we're basking in the joy of knowing Him or sitting in the dark and waiting for His Light to come and show us the Way. 

So in celebrating Jesus' birth, I choose to say: "Jesus, make my heart your Bethlehem.' I give You the hilltops where I am in awe of you, as well as the dark places where I wonder where You are. In my questions and answers, in my rushing and in my dragging, in my gifts and weaknesses, Lord, come be my Light."   

Soundtrack for this post: "Be Born in Me" (Francesca Battistelli)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsXOP7aQeqQ&feature=related

-Beloved